Don't look back, you're not going that way

Life is full of aha moments. A life of learning is the only life there is; otherwise you’re just waiting to die in my mind. And there are certainly a lot of those folks.

I had a thought today that I wanted to scribe. It may even qualify as an epiphany. It’s been awhile since I’ve had one of those… just too busy, I think.

As I stand at the threshold of a new year, I think it is true to my deepest core: The fire I’ve walked through in the last couple years has honestly yielded so much value, good and mostly, a life unbelievably better than before.

It’s a life I now cherish and a joy I can’t ever remember experiencing before. The way forward is warm and bright and so full of promise that I couldn’t have imagined it only a few years back. It all sounds so trite to say that through suffering comes good, but it simply is true. At least in my case. There is a clarity that I could have never gotten to but for clearing the smog that obscured my vision.

As I learned from the book, Proof of Heaven, the brain compensates in a most amazing way, and quite rapidly. But this compensation can also skew your take reality.

Here’s what I’ve learned.

My life is now overrun with honesty where once there was only lies and deceit. I was not made to live a life without integrity. I know we’re all sinners, but there’s a difference in the repentant soul who tries to live right and the one who clings to their darkness. I’ll choose light. I am compelled.

Ah yes, the light of day and truth… that which now fills every corner of my being. No more secrets. No more pain. Clear skies and new horizons. And best of all… no… more… land mines…. I am free to walk without fear of an explosion. No more sudden crumbling of the earth below because a new truth has surfaced. My destiny is my own.

I am overwhelmed and overrun with amazing family and friends who enjoy spending time because I am me… and not for what I can do for them, who I can connect them to or some social ladder they think they’re climbing. And most of all, no judgement. No clicks. No politics.

I pay my bills, have sterling credit and am no longer paired with someone who values neither of those things. This is actually such an amazing piece of my life right now; I can’t begin to tell the depth of which this has changed everything. I knew I could do it on my own… I just had no idea how distorted my view of my finances had become in line with someone with the financial acumen of a spoiled, impetuous child who has an excuse for every failing. To say it’s liberating is such an understatement.

I have never more been busy in my life. I am always doing. Going. Seeing. Where I was once lonely, I now have the most intriguing relationships. Fascinating and exciting. Stimulating and mature.

I have a new standard of truth. It’s not a contrivance. It’s pragmatic and obvious. It doesn’t bend because I need to reconcile people and things that don’t connect. I keep it real and expect those around me to hold to the same standard.

I guess today was a good day… actually, it’s been a really good year. I am thankful for lessons learned, and the losses it took to bring me to this glorious place of authentic.

I am certain I shall never look back.

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